5 Things Divorce Taught Me

5 Things Divorce Taught Me

AD | Divorce is the dreaded D-word that all couples fear. It’s a pretty scary thing when you’re going through the process, too.

Like most do, I thought it was a forever love when I first got married. But, over time, I realized that I was wearing rose-tinted glasses. I was in love with the idea of a Happily Ever After. The person I was married to wasn’t the same person I married all those years ago; it wasn’t the best option to stay in that situation.

At first, I was devastated, as most people are, but I’ve realized that divorce has taught me so many valuable lessons. It is a terrifying process, but if your marriage isn’t healthy, and if it’s holding you back from being yourself, and from reaching your highest potential, it’s for the best end things.

Here are a few things I learned during the entire process:

5 Things Divorce Taught Me

Love Is Always Worth Fighting For

You’re thinking, BUT YOU GOT DIVORCED. Hear me out.

It may sound cliche. But you learn that love is always worth fighting for.

Not just love for other people. Love for yourself.

If you are no longer in love, it’s time to end things so that you can fall back in love with yourself. This is so important! I can’t stress it enough.

While it may not be your top priority, you can give yourself the chance to love someone else again someday.

If you have kids, it’s important to show them, as well. They know more than they let on, and they need to see healthy, happy relationships.

You Learn A Lot About Yourself

While married, I cared for all aspects of our home from dinner to doctors appointments to the bills. I lost sight of myself. Everything was so serious, all the time; it felt like a business arrangement.

It’s not supposed to feel this way.

Unfortunately, this is the case for a lot of marriages. It ends up feeling like a business relationship, and not a partnership. While this may work for some, it didn’t for me.

I’ve learned how to have fun again. What makes me THRIVE as a person. I’ve learned how to be happy again, and how to make someone else happy.

I’ve grown.

It’s Okay To Need Help – and Get It

I struggled with this in the beginning. I GET IT.

It’s okay to need help, and if you do need help, please be brave enough to get it.

The divorce process is not easy, especially when there are children involved, and talking with a counselor and getting help is a great way to start working on yourself, and you’ll eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel.

If you are in search of a counselor, and in Georgia, Ray of Hope Counseling Services provides individual, group therapy, family therapy, and couples counseling, as well. Each therapist at Ray of Hope Counseling Services not only holds a license but has also had additional training and certifications in their specialty area.

A great example of this is through the Clinical Director and Founder of Ray of Hope Counseling Services, Lynn Thompson Umstead. She is a trained mental health professional with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Masters of Science degree in Clinical Psychology.

Lynn also holds many certifications and licenses such as a National Certified Counselor, Imago Relationship Therapist, an Anger Management Specialist, and she is registered by the state of Georgia as a civil and divorce mediator. If you are holding onto a lot of anger and stress, you might want to call Lynn.

Getting help does not make you weak at all. Instead, it will do the opposite and will help you overcome life changes and strengthen you.

Find a counselor that you feel comfortable with, and has a lot of experience with divorce and relationship therapy.

You Can’t Fix Others – Or Everything

There are many reasons we get married, it’s obviously a step in creating a life together and the goal is to spend the rest of your life with them.

Unfortunately, a lot of people jump into marriage for the wrong reasons; most of which we don’t see until it’s too late.

One important thing to understand is that you can’t fix anyone. Instead, they have to want to fix themselves. And the situation.

Trying to fix them will only result in hurt feelings. Tiny Buddha says, “You’ll know if you have this trait too because people will often tell you their secrets mere minutes after meeting you. When someone has just been in a car accident or broken up with their boyfriend, you wrap your arms around them and for the first time that day, their body fully relaxes. People tell you they feel at home in your presence. Safe. Heard. Cared for. There’s so much beauty in having a trait like this. Without much effort, you nurture and care for those around you. It is a gift you give us all. But there’s another side to the caregiver coin.”

I Am Strong

While I learned a lot more during my divorce process and still learning more today, the last thing I want to share with you all today is that I learned that I am strong and that I can do anything that I set my mind to.

When the divorce process first started, I was scared and felt weak. I didn’t see my full potential. Throughout the process, I finally started learning more about myself and what I am capable of.

You’ve got this. It’s hard. It’s scary. But you do; you got this. You can do anything.

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12 thoughts on “5 Things Divorce Taught Me

    1. tonyalee

      Yes, I’ve learned so much about myself in the past couple of years. I hope to write a more detailed post about it soon!

  1. Stephanie

    I’ve been there and it’s hard. No one should ever stay in a marriage solely for the sake of staying in the marriage (I think that only cheapens marriage. Work to make it better, sure, but if it’s not going to work, it’s better to move on than make yourself miserable for life), and I’m glad you were able to move to a better place. 🙂

    1. tonyalee

      It DOES cheapen the marriage. And you’re right, try and work on things but if it isn’t working, it isn’t working. It was hard because of our boys, but at the end of the day, they needed to see us both HAPPY, not together.

  2. Anne - Books of My Heart

    I am divorced. I will say I found it embarrassing. I chose wrong. Like you mentioned, I wanted a partnership. Instead it was like I became the parent, the breadwinner, the housekeeper, the cook, the childcare, the financial manager. I can do all those things but I sadly thought. Hey, it’s easier to just KNOW I will have to do them myself instead of thinking someone is working with me and be disappointed. So I got a divorce.

    I still want that partnership but I am old enough I don’t think I will ever get it. It makes me sad sometimes, that I wasted so much time in that relationship. I got my daughter and I don’t regret that. I should have been strong enough to end it 10 years earlier.
    Anne – Books of My Heart recently posted…Audio: How to Live an Undead Lie by Hailey EdwardsMy Profile

    1. tonyalee

      YES, you become everything to them in a NOT so healthy way.

      Don’t say that! Doesn’t matter how long it’s been, or how old you are, you can find that happiness. Don’t give up.

  3. Genesis @ Whispering Chapters

    Wow, this is such a great topic to discuss. I had no idea you were divorced. But I’m glad you see you’re strong. Because you totally are and you’re a great woman and mom. I have no idea what this is like but I’ve seen the many faces of what divorce does. But I’m glad that amidst all, you found yourself 🙂
    Genesis @ Whispering Chapters recently posted…A Fresh StartMy Profile

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